Abraham's Parental Anxiety: Working to Become a Less Anxious Parent (Gen. 15:1-6)
- Immanuel Marsh
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
Gen. 15:1–6 ESV - “After these things the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: “Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great.” But Abram said, “O Lord GOD, what will you give me, for I continue childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?” And Abram said, “Behold, you have given me no offspring, and a member of my household will be my heir.” And behold, the word of the LORD came to him: “This man shall not be your heir; your very own son shall be your heir.” And he brought him outside and said, “Look toward heaven, and number the stars, if you are able to number them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” And he believed the LORD, and he counted it to him as righteousness.”
The prospect of becoming a parent is exciting. It also comes with its fair share of anxiety. There are so many uncertainties. In our passage, Abraham worries that God would not make good on his promise to give him a son (see Gen. 12:7). He and his wife have faced infertility challenges (Gen. 11:30) and are not sure what the future holds. Their struggle is emphasized as we repeatedly read words like childless, heir, no offspring, and son. Spoiler alert for a 4,000-year-old story: Abraham and Sarah waited 25 years for the child God had promised to be born, Isaac.
Children of Promise and Parental Anxiety
The family therapy pioneer, Murray Bowen, believed that the emotional environment children are born into plays a role in how we parent and how they develop. For instance, a child born after a long fertility battle might become special (i.e, anxiously focused on). Essentially, parents and children are uniquely affected by the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy and birth. These circumstances might involve things like:
The health of the parents
The child's health
Reproductive issues
The birth order of the child
The parents' relationship status
How well the parents get along
Support, or lack thereof, from in-laws
The family's financial situation
Current family dynamics
Recent deaths in the family
Career changes
Moving to a new place
Any one of these scenarios could raise the anxiety level in a family on its own. Add the anticipation of a child in the mix and things can get interesting. The amount of anxiety in the family, the emotional maturity of the family, and how the family adapts to challenges, all shape the emotional environment to which a child is born. This has been the case for all pregnancies, for all births, for all time.
Managing Anxiety, Moving Forward in Faith
In this passage, Abraham contends between his anxiety about remaining childless and his faith in God’s promise to give him an heir. Both anxiety and faith are ways of approaching the uncertain future. When anxious, it’s easy to allow perceived threats to dictate our next move. We resort to what feels safe rather than experience discomfort. But faith is also a response to uncertainty, choosing to trust God regardless of the circumstances. Anxiety is rooted more in our feelings. Faith means choosing to move forward from our deepest beliefs regardless of feelings. When anxious, we tend to focus more on the problem and other people. Having faith means focusing more on the promise and our own functioning than on the apparent problems. Faith isn’t positive thinking that ignores life’s complexities. It is a set of convictions that inform our functioning. In our anxiety we focus on the problem. In our faith we focus on the promise.
Parents simultaneously hold within themselves anxiety and belief, both uncertainty and expectation. I’m not sure this tension is ever resolved. But here’s my thinking on how parents can move forward with a little more hopeful anticipation.
Don’t ignore the anxiety, interrogate it. Abraham asked God a question: “What will you give me, for I remain childless? Being able to be more curious about our anxious feelings is a big step toward calming down.
What circumstances might be fueling this parental anxiety?
What do I fear will or won’t happen in regards to my children?
What does this child represent to you? For your family?
Under what circumstances were you born?
Who are the special children in your family? How did they achieve that status?
Get clearer about your beliefs, desires, and convictions. When anxious, our beliefs, desires, and best thinking can become shrouded in a fog of feelings. Slowing down just long enough to clarify our beliefs and expectations gives us the opportunity to choose how we want to function.
What do I believe about being a parent, about children, about the future?
What are my expectations for this child? What am I expecting this child to do/be for our family? How fair is this for the child?
How can I get clearer about the type of parent I'd like to be?
When I get anxious, where does my focus turn?
Move forward in faith. Faith isn’t simply the belief that something is true. Faith has a functional component. As James writes, “Faith without works is dead (2:26).” Faith that doesn’t influence our functioning is dead faith.
How could I manage myself better in the middle of all that is happening?
What would it look like for me to function more in line with my beliefs than my anxieties?
As you navigate the hopes and fears that come with becoming and/or being a parent, remember that God meets you in that tension. Parenting will always involve uncertainty, but God meets us there just like he did with Abraham and Sarah.
Your story may not unfold in quite the same way, but the invitation is similar: to give voice to your anxiety without being ruled by it, to clarify what you truly believe, and to take the next step in faith. And the more we can align our deepest convictions with our daily choices, the less anxiety we will experience. And our children will be better for it, being born into a family that's a little less anxious and a little more faithful.
